These treasonous words fly directly in the face of the oath taken by every federal official to  
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"A doujin soft group calling themselves  
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Exam time. Stop smoking reefers. Reduce alcohol intake. Study hard.

Arrive early for said exam, only to find that former US President Bill Clinton has made residence in the Golisano building at Rochester Institute of Technology.

"Every wing was closed off except for one," complained Blair Dickinson, a student who asked not to be identified. The second-year scholar continued, "I almost missed my exam... possibly ruining my college career".  
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At a time when authors and historians are being jailed for holding ideas contrary to the modern-day Holocaust myth of six million jews being methodically killed (the 'official' number has since been reduced, but not the number of thought criminals locked up), a new figure has appeared on the scene for backup. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad referred to the holocaust as a "myth". Will he be thrown in the slammer alongside David Irving and Ernst Zundel, too? 
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As previously reported, the Kazakhstani government is taking action and putting the proverbial foot down on Sacha Baron Cohen's alter ego "Borat". Their latest move was "pulling the plug" on Borat's official website, www.borat.kz.  
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From CNN.com: "Doctors have transplanted pig valves into human hearts for years, and scientists have injected human cells into lab animals for even longer. But the brain poses an additional level of concern because some envision nightmare scenarios in which a human mind might be trapped in an animal head." 
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An area resident is beaming after becoming the first White resident of his community to have an "iced out" cellular telephone accessory.

Black people, it has been noted, get all the latest accessories - for anything - long before White folks do. Cellular telephone accessories are no exception.

"When I saw that [cellular provider] was offering a free Bluetooth headset with the purchase of a new phone, I couldn't resist. I'm the first White kid I know to have one," said the resident, who wished to remain anonymous. 
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By BETSY TAYLOR Associated Press Writer

ST. LOUIS (AP) - Loose dollar bills and pocket change fuel the Salvation Army's fundraising drives, but every once in a while an unexpected donation arrives in one of those familiar red kettles.

In south-central Pennsylvania, the Salvation Army received five golden rings dropped into the kettles from Nov. 30 through Monday, bringing to mind the popular Christmas carol. 
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JACKSONVILLE, FL - It didn't take long for students in the 2nd period 7th grade science class at Lake Shore Middle School to realize something was wrong with their substitute teacher.

According to Principal Iranetta Wright, students became so alarmed, they notified school administrators immediately.

"Allegations were made by the students that a substitute teacher was in class doing drugs," Wright said. "They said he was sniffing something." 
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Terry Dresdow, 49 years old and a happy-go-lucky father of two, has fallen victim to the most heinous of crimes. Initially, the tragedy involved only the theft of his '89 Caprice. But upon its eventual return, Dresdow found out that indeed, "the worst" had happened: it had been "iced out", or according to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: "Terry's ride had been pimped".

The decoration of seemingly worthless junk with glittery bullshit is a fascinating, yet growing and worrisome trend spawned by hoodlums from the inner-city ghettos and currently spreading like a bucket of Super-AIDs to younger white youths in outlying suburbs.

Although the incident shocked and confused Mr. Dresdow, he seemed to be recovering and in a state of almost-happy contentment: "I also have keyless entry that I didn't have before, for the door and also the trunk".

While the new accessories provide Terry with some excitement during recovery, not all has been well. Horrifyingly, "When Terry drove it away, he turned on the radio and could not seem to get the rap music to stop."  
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The mayor of a Brazilian town is trying to bring in a law making it illegal for residents to die.

Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva, of Biritiba-Mirim, came up with the idea because the town's only cemetery is full.

He wants to bring in a law that would see relatives of people who die before their time face fines or even jail.

The law would make it an offence for the town's 28,000 citizens to not look after their health properly.

Mayor Pereira da Silva said there was no way of expending the cemetery or building a new one, reports Agora Sao Paulo.

He said: "Eighty nine per cent of the town is rivers, the rest is protected because it is tropical jungle."

The state government had promised to help build a new vertical cemetery - but nothing had been done.

Gym memberships have reportedly shot up since the mayor announced his plans, and more people are visiting doctors.

original article: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1641442.html?menu= 

Worried about those smoldering brain cells?

"A cup of coffee is good for the memory, at least the short term memory, according to research reported today," according to medpagetoday.com.

So spark 'em up, boys and girls, but don't forget to put on a pot of coffee. Balance is key, after all. Which serves as a potent reminder: "marijuana could be good for your brain". 
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Hilarious news from CNN.com: :A BlackBerry, the small device that connects users to e-mail, can be so addictive that it's sometimes called a "crackberry." And users fear for their wireless connection after the BlackBerry-maker was dealt another legal setback in a key patent infringement case Wednesday. The decision raises pressure to settle or face a possible shutdown of its U.S. mobile e-mail service."

More on legal challenges for crackbaby.. errr.. .blackberry... 

From the Tri-Valley Herald: "Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng, best known for his Iron Crotch, attached himself not once, but twice, to a rental moving truck and pulled it several yards across a parking lot in Fremont. In lace-up leather boots and a black tank top, the 50-year-old tied a strip of blue fabric around the base of his penis and testicles and tugged to make sure it was on tight. An assistant kicked him hard between the legs before he lashed himself to the vehicle." 
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